Getting the Most From 1-on-1 Counselling
Individual therapy can provide a safe and supportive environment for you to work through complex thoughts and emotions. But some people have reservations about the process—often because they don’t know what to expect.
We’ve helped individuals from an incredibly diverse range of backgrounds and lifestyles take a safe and productive approach to therapy. Let us explain why 1-on-1 counselling can be difficult for some people and show you how to avoid those challenges to get the most from your experience.
Why Do Some People Fail to Get Value From Individual Counselling?
Research suggests that people who undergo therapy enjoy better outcomes than nearly 80% of people who remain untreated. But not everyone has a positive experience in therapy, and it’s important to understand why.
Knowing why some individuals don’t seem to get value from therapy can help you prepare for your experience differently (and ideally influence your results). People who struggle to benefit from therapy may cite one or more of the following reasons:
Lack of Connection With the Therapist
Research supports the idea that a strong connection between a client and their therapist (also known as a therapeutic alliance) leads to better outcomes. That doesn’t mean therapists have to be best friends with their clients, but it does mean some will likely be better matches than others. For that reason, some clients may feel uncomfortable seeing a therapist whose worldview they perceive to be radically different from their own.
Lack of Clarity About Intended Outcomes
Some patients may feel their time in therapy is unproductive because they aren’t on the same page as their therapist in terms of what they’re trying to accomplish. This can happen when a client isn’t forthcoming about their reasons for going to therapy, but it’s also vital for effective therapists to talk to their clients and encourage them to communicate their goals.
Not Ready to Be Open & Honest
Being comfortable and communicative with their therapist aren’t the only things a client needs to succeed. In fact, some clients can seem to be fully engaged in their sessions without ever making meaningful progress on the issues that brought them there. Sometimes it can even seem like a client is using therapy to avoid their challenges instead of confronting them.
When a client seems to stagnate in therapy, it may stem from an underlying fear of vulnerability or change. Therapists who successfully overcome this hurdle often do so by assessing the state of the clinical relationship before returning to the client’s original goals.
How Can You Set Yourself up for Success With Individual Therapy?
Even the best and most experienced therapists can’t guarantee your success, because it’s not entirely up to them. As a prospective client, you share some of the responsibility for keeping your therapy healthy and effective.
When it comes to what you can do to get the most out of individual therapy, we recommend the following strategies:
Identify Your Goals
You can’t measure the effectiveness of any type of work if you don’t know what purpose it’s meant to serve, and the same is true for therapy. Setting clear goals and communicating them to your therapist gives both of you a “road map” of sorts—on which you can place markers to measure your progress over the course of the clinical relationship.
Here’s one strategy you can try: before starting therapy, think about what you want to change in your life. Then try to articulate some concrete goals based on those aspirations and bring them to your therapist’s attention during your initial session. From that point forward, there’s a much better chance both of you will be on the same page.
Identify the Relationship You Want With Your Therapist
The relationship between a client and a therapist is a professional one, but because the nature of the work is inherently personal, it can look very different depending on the personalities involved. For that reason, it’s important to make some decisions about how you want to interact with your therapist before starting to work with them.
Your therapist is (ideally) going to learn a lot about you during the process, so consider what it will take for you to feel seen, heard, and supported. Do you respond to empathy and warmth, or are you looking for someone to provide advice and encourage you to take calculated risks to achieve your goals? Since an estimated 30% of your success in therapy may depend on this relationship, it’s critical to think about what you want it to look like.
Set Appropriate Boundaries
Honest and open communication is essential for successful therapy, but that’s also impossible unless you feel safe with your therapist. For that reason, you’ll want to be able to set some reasonable boundaries and make sure your therapist knows how to respect them.
Boundaries might involve subjects that you aren’t comfortable discussing, communication tactics that don’t serve you, or when not to have certain conversations. You should always feel empowered to tell your therapist about topics, techniques, or timing issues that could affect your level of comfort and trust in the process.
Setting clear goals about why you’re in therapy can also help with setting boundaries, by making it easier for your therapist to focus on the specific issues you want to address. Having a clear plan to follow may even make it easier for therapists to work with clients whose experiences diverge significantly from their own.
Be Open, Honest, & Vulnerable
Once you’ve set up parameters for your therapy that let you feel safe, do your best to be as forthcoming as possible. Remember, therapy requires honesty in order to work. That doesn’t mean your therapist needs to know every detail of your life—but holding back information that could be relevant to your challenges will limit the extent to which your therapist can help you overcome them.
For example, let’s say you’re in therapy to improve your mood, but you’re embarrassed by something you do that makes you feel depressed and don’t want to talk about it. If your therapist doesn’t know this behaviour exists, they can’t help you address it and it might continue to have a negative impact.
Generally, the more information you volunteer to your therapist, the more they can learn about how your mind works and the more they can do to help you work through your problems. Sharing that information can sometimes feel like a risk, but a good therapist will work with you to make each session a safe environment for expressing yourself.
Accept That Therapy Isn’t Always a Comfortable Process
Finally, it’s critical to understand that therapy won’t always be comfortable. In fact, if it is, it’s probably not working.
Personal growth isn’t always easy, although it’s often incredibly rewarding. But to reap those rewards in therapy, you’ll need to develop the courage to see inside yourself and the trust required to share what you find with your counsellor.
No matter who you are or what you’re dealing with, therapy can help. To learn more about how to find a transparent and respectful therapist who can help you achieve your goals, feel free to contact us directly and speak with someone on our team.
Additional References
Anxiety Canada. (n.d.). ABC's of anxiety. http://www.anxietycanada.com/articles/abcs-of-anxiety-2/?_ga=2.257274178.879158136.1626128742-1258107074.1624420855
Anxiety Canada. (n.d.). Anxiety 101: What you and your child need to know about anxiety. http://www.anxietycanada.com/articles/anxiety-101-what-you-and-your-child-need-to-know-about-anxiety/?_ga=2.252548544.879158136.1626128742-1258107074.1624420855
Anxiety Canada. (n.d.). Anxiety in adults. https://www.anxietycanada.com/learn-about-anxiety/anxiety-in-adults/#anxiety-disorders
Crocq, M. A. (2015). A history of anxiety: From Hippocrates to DSM. Dialogues in clinical neuroscience, 17(3), 319–325. https://doi.org/10.31887/DCNS.2015.17.3/macrocq
National Institute of Mental Health. (2018). Anxiety disorders. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders/
Mayo Clinic. (2018, May 04). Anxiety disorders. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anxiety/symptoms-causes/syc-20350961
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