Living a Values Driven Life in 2021

Table of Contents

• Introduction

• Goals vs. Values

• Importance of Values

• How to Identify Your Values

  • Some Questions to Help Identify Your Unique Values

  • Examples of Unique Values

  • One Step Further

• Learn How to Identify Your Values with FP Counselling

• References

The New Year is upon us. After experiencing the chaotic and disappointing year that was 2020, many of us are planning and hoping for a better 2021. Naturally, New Year's resolutions are on most people’s minds at this time of year. New Year’s resolutions can be an important tool in bettering one’s life. Unfortunately, many of us rarely accomplish everything we set out to at the beginning of the year. This is often because we set too many or unrealistic goals for ourselves, only to lead to disappointment and self-criticism. Instead of putting all your energy into setting goals this year, it may be worth trying to first identify what your values are. Identifying values is one of the core tools used in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy - an evidence-based therapy created by Steven Hayes that has been shown to treat depression, anxiety and stress, OCD, psychosis, and chronic pain (APA, 2006).

Goals vs. Values

Goals are tools that can help us make changes in our lives. Goals that come from values are inherently more meaningful and achievable. “Values are our heart’s deepest desires for the way we want to interact with the world, other people, and ourselves. They’re what we want to stand for in life, how we want to behave, what sort of person we want to be, what sort of strengths and qualities we want to develop” (Harris, 2009, p.191). 

Oftentimes when clients start therapy, they share all of the emotions they don’t want to feel, the thoughts they don’t want to have,  and the problems or struggles that they want to get rid of. As therapists, we often hear little about what our client’s do want. That’s where values come into play. Values help us to understand what is meaningful to clients, and what will make their lives richer and fuller. They provide a foundation from which to build a rewarding and meaningful life. Values are like a compass because they give direction to our lives and guide our ongoing journey.  Values require ongoing action, whereas goals are what we want to achieve along the way. Values are empowering because they are available in the present moment. We can make choices that are in line with our values every single moment of every day. For example, choosing to be a loving partner is a value, whereas getting married is a goal. Goals are things we can officially complete and cross off as we go through life, and values are ongoing.

Importance of Values

Values inform our thoughts, behaviours, and how we show up in the world. The following are some of the ways values benefit our lives:

• Values can help us find our purpose in life

• Values can help us make decisions that we know are right for us, such as choosing a rewarding career.

• Values provide direction and motivation in life to endure the difficult and painful experiences that life can bring

• Values assist us in living an authentic life.

• Identifying and committing to living according to values is a way to ensure that we will look back on our lives in old age without regret.

How to Identify Your Values

Considering what your values are might be something you have never given much thought to before. Values are being imposed on us throughout our lives through sources such as our parents, friends/peers, religions, the media, school, and society at large. We are all susceptible to internalizing values that have been imposed from others. Rarely, are we asked to listen to our internal wisdom to identify what is uniquely important to us. Therefore, this process may feel foreign.

“Identifying values is one of the core tools used in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy - an evidence-based therapy created by Steven Hayes that has been shown to treat depression, anxiety and stress, OCD, psychosis, and chronic pain.”

— (APA, 2006)

Identifying values can be an ongoing process. One does not need to rigidly adhere to chosen values. Values are best held lightly. As your life changes, so may your values. Therefore, returning to the following exercises at different times in your life may be beneficial. When doing these exercises, keep in mind that values are personal. What is important to me may be drastically different than what is important to you. There are no right or wrong answers here.

Here are some questions that can help you identify your unique values:

• What do you really want?

• What matters to you in the big picture?

• What do you want to stand for?

• Is there anything in your life right now that gives you a sense of meaning, purpose, vitality?

• As a child, what sort of life did you imagine in the future?

• Imagine your own funeral; imagine what you would like to hear people saying about you.

Here is a list of examples:

For some, nothing might come to mind when reading these questions, if that’s the case, take a look at the following list of examples and try to narrow it down to five words that you can focus on and prioritize.

• Dependability

• Reliability

• Loyalty

• Commitment

• Open-mindedness

• Consistency

• Honesty

• Efficiency

• Innovation

• Creativity

• Good humour

• Compassion

• Spirit of adventure

• Motivation

• Positivity

• Optimism

• Passion

• Respect

• Fitness

• Courage

• Education

• Perseverance

• Service to Others

• Spirituality

• Environmentalism

One Step Further:

To take this exercise one step further, consider the main domains of your life; Work/Education, Relationships, Personal Growth/Health, and Leisure. What values would be important to you in each of these areas of your life?

Identify Your Values with FP Counselling in Calgary

If you’re struggling to identify your values or you would like to learn more about how living a values-driven life can benefit you, FP Counselling offers free 20-minute consultations to see if we might be a good fit to help you do that, and we would be more than happy to speak with you to see how we can support you in building and practicing those skills. Schedule a free 20-minute consultation with us:

References

APA Presidential Task Force on Evidence-Based Practice. (2006). Evidence-based practice in psychology. American Psychologist, 61, 271-285.

Harris, R. (2009). Act made simple : an easy-to-read primer on acceptance and commitment therapy. New Harbinger Publications.

Tach, E. (2020, Dec 30). Examples of core values. Retrieved December 30, 2020 from https://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples-of-core-values.html