3 Steps to Guide Your Search in Finding a Therapist That is the “Right Fit” for You
When starting the process of seeking therapy and trying to find a therapist that is a good fit for you, it can be difficult to know what a “right fit” is. Especially if this is your first time seeking therapy. This post will cover three important steps to consider when seeking a therapist. These steps include the process of searching for a therapist, navigating the first consultation, and feeling out the first session.
Step 1 – The Search
When starting this process, it is important to look inward and decide what is most important to you to help you decide what to look for. Here is a list of questions you may consider asking yourself before starting your search:
Why am I seeking therapy (what am I experiencing)?
This can help inform your therapist of the concerns you are looking to address. Answering this question can also help you question if your therapist is familiar with and has worked with these similar experiences before.
What am I hoping to gain from therapy? What are my goals?
Knowing this can help you gauge what kind of communication you are seeking from your therapist. Examples can include guidance for self-reflection, space to vent to a third party, or tangible tools/homework.
Do I prefer to meet with my therapist in-person on virtually?
This can help you find a therapist that meets your scheduling/location needs. Some clients prefer to feel connected through face-to-face meetings and some clients may prefer the comfort of their home.
What is my budget?
If you are looking for more affordable options, it will be helpful to search for a therapist that offers sliding-scale (low-cost) options or payment via insurance.
When you are ready to start searching, it is helpful to know what is most important and valuable to you and what to look for while reading therapist bios and utilizing search engines with preferences.
Step 2 – Navigating the First Consultation
Most therapists will offer a free phone consultation to provide an opportunity for you and the therapist to briefly get to know one another. This is a great opportunity to ask any questions that may be helpful for you to decide if it will be a good match. It is important to find a therapist that can provide a positive relationship and alliance, which has been shown to be a strong indicator of therapy effectiveness. Equally important is that the therapist and client goals are aligned and that the client feels they are being listened to, understood, and accepted without judgement. Here is a list of questions that may be important to ask your therapist during a consultation:
What type of therapy does the therapist provide?
It is important to know how different approaches and modalities will align with your goals for therapy. If you are unsure, ask the therapist how/if their approaches align with your specific concerns.
What are the therapists’ areas of expertise?
This will help you decide if the therapists experience and areas of expertise align with what you are experiencing. For example, if you are seeking support for substance use, it may be important to find a therapist that has experience or expertise in this specific area.
Does the therapist have experience working with clients that have similar concerns?
It may provide you comfort and trust to know that your therapist has had experience working with similar concerns to yours.
What are the payment options?
Inquire about cost of sessions. It may be helpful to find out if the therapist accepts insurance and to ask about billing procedures (out-of-pocket vs. direct billing). It is also helpful to ask about sliding-scale options as finances can be a significant barrier to getting help and it may be important to find a therapist that is affordable.
What does the therapy process look like?
Knowing how the therapist will track progress will help you understand the process and recognize outcome measures.
Step 3 – The First Session and Feeling out Connection and Rapport
After searching and completing a consultation with a therapist, you may be looking forward to the first session with your therapist to really gauge how you feel about the match.
What is rapport?
Rapport refers to the relationship between individuals which fosters meaning-making and provides a caring and empathic space for clients to feel to supported.
Here is a list of what to consider when deciding if your therapist is a good fit for you and what to consider in regards to positive rapport:
Rapport
The level of rapport between client and therapist will indicate how connected you feel to the therapist and how comfortable you feel to open up to them. You may notice the therapist is relevantly communicating with you and accurately understanding and reflecting what you are sharing.
Ask yourself: Do you feel heard and understood by your therapist on a relational level?
Trust
Trust that is formed within a therapeutic alliance/relationship fosters the ability for you to relax and reduce vigilance, allowing you to become more open to learning and experiencing. Trust is often formed through rapport and a feeling of mutual respect between you and your therapist.
Ask yourself: Do you feel that you can trust your therapist to open-up safely and comfortably? Do you feel that your therapist respects you and is providing a non-judgemental space for you to be open?
Therapeutic Alliance
In a working relationship, connection forms through the work and motivation of the therapist and the client feeling understood. The client is trusting and the therapist can be trusted to conduct their work effectively.
A therapeutic alliance between individuals is also seen through an emotional bond, an agreement of goals, and an agreement of the effective process leading to the goals. These agreements are stronger when the emotional bond is stronger and thus, the therapeutic alliance.
Ask yourself: Do you feel that your relationship with your therapist feels like a partnership? Do you feel your therapist aligns with your preferred goals and is meeting your needs?
Cultural Competence
It is especially important to consider if your therapist meets your cultural needs. Therapists working with diverse populations display positive rapport and communication in tune with that of their clients. The client should feel that the therapist understands their social identity and the potential impact of societal discrimination.
Ask yourself: Do I feel supported through a non-judgemental, understanding, and culturally-informed lens?
Final Considerations – What if it is not a good fit?
Finding the right fit can sometimes be a long and daunting process. It is important to listen to your gut feeling and know what feels best for you. Recognizing a therapist that is not a good fit does not make them a bad therapist or you a bad client, but rather, just not a good match. Noticing that it may not be a good match between yourself and you therapist may include:
Feeling as though your therapist is not interested in your problems.
Feeling the relationship with your therapist does not feel like a partnership.
You feel your safe space to share is compromised in any way.
Feeling judged or misunderstood.
Feeling your therapist is not able to meet your emotional or cultural needs.
Feeling the approaches used are not aligning with your concerns and goals.
If you are noticing that yourself and your therapist may not be a good match, it may help to discuss these concerns with your therapist and seek a possible referral to a better match. Finding the right therapist is not always easy and can take some time to find the best fit for you.
References
Borelli, J. L., Sohn, L., Wang, B. A., Hong, K., DeCoste, C., & Suchman, N. E. (2019). Therapist–Client Language Matching: Initial Promise as a Measure of Therapist–Client Relationship Quality. Psychoanalytic Psychology : The Official Journal of the Division of Psychoanalysis, American Psychological Association, Division 39, 36(1), 9–18. https://doi.org/10.1037/pap0000177
Connolly, P. (2022). Instability and Uncertainty Are Critical for Psychotherapy: How the Therapeutic Alliance Opens Us Up. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 784295. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.784295
Elliott, R., Bohart, A. C., Watson, J. C., & Murphy, D. (2018). Therapist empathy and client outcome: An updated meta-analysis. Psychotherapy, 55, 399–410. https://doi.org/10.1037/pst0000175
Gelso, C. J., & Kline, K. V. (2019). The sister concepts of the working alliance and the real relationship: On their development, rupture, and repair. Research in Psychotherapy : Psychopathology, Process, and Outcome, 22(2), 373. https://doi.org/10.4081/ripppo.2019.373
Kelley, J. M., Kraft-Todd, G., Schapira, L., Kossowsky, J., & Riess, H. (2014). The Influence of the Patient-Clinician Relationship on Healthcare Outcomes: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis of Randomized Controlled Trials. PLoS ONE, 9(4), e94207. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0094207
Rapport and Relationships in Clinical Interactions. (2011). Topics in Language Disorders, 31(4), 297. https://doi.org/10.1097/TLD.0b013e31823baf91
Szymańska, A., Dobrenko, K., & Grzesiuk, L. (2017). Characteristics and experience of the patient in psychotherapy and the psychotherapy’s effectiveness. A structural approach. Psychiatria Polska, 51(4), 619–631. https://doi.org/10.12740/PP/62483
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